Back...

Hello World!

I'm back on the interwebs, after a long and not-so-easy hiatus, and I'm sorry that I've been gone so long.  Leaving Kenya was definitely one of, if not the, hardest thing I've ever done, because it wasn't just leaving Kenya; it was leaving my town, my friends there, my house, my school, my cats, and most importantly, my kids. They are still the most wonderful people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting and knowing that I wasn't going to be able to see their beautiful smiling faces every morning from here on out was the toughest part.

But I'm stateside now, and trying my best to keep going. SO, what's happening now, you say? Well it took me a few moths to get back into the swing of blog-posting because it took me a while to be happy with life again. That's not to say I was majorly depressed for two months, but it wasn't easy coming back home with no job and no income, no home in Maryland anymore, and no deaf kids to hang out with everyday. I was in what I called my "Mid-Twenties-Post-Peace-Corps Angst-y" period and on a day-to-day basis the lack of job was the hardest. I'm a person who likes to be busy. I thrive off of having a schedule and things to do. I like to relax, but relaxing with nothing to do for months at a time is not ideal for me. So after flying into Michigan and a few days later driving to Maryland for the holidays, I spent the next month 'sleeping around' as they say. Even though my folks are no longer in MD, there are still lots of people who were willing to put me up for a few nights. I spent the majority of the time in Maryland at my cousins' house in Frederick. So I'd like to give a very gracious shout-out to the Nylec family for putting up with me for a whole month. Thanks for letting me take over the basement and for consuming all your food and coffee. I love you guys :)

So a month into moving in with the Nylecs I decided to not overstay my welcome and, trying to find something fun but also something to keep me busy and remind me of Peace Corps, I applied to volunteer on a farm. One online application and unexpected phone interview later I was accepted as an Education Volunteer at Heifer International's Overlook Farm in Rutland, Massachusetts. Heifer International, if you've never heard of it, is an awesome organization that focuses on working with communities to end hunger and poverty and does so with donations of livestock and the appropriate education connected with the animals to make families and communities sustainable. Heifer's headquarters are in Little Rock, Arkansas and Heifer has a few self-sustainable farms in the U.S. called Learning Centers. The biggest Learning Center is just outside Little Rock in a town called Perryville, a place where I took my church youth group kiddos a few years back, and the next Learning Center in line is where I reside now in Rutland, Massachusetts.

The farm here is called Overlook Farm because of our view of Boston from the hill, and we sit on about 270 total acres. We have everything from guinea pigs and bunnies, to goats, sheep, cows, llamas and yaks. Pretty much every farm animal, save for horses, resides on this farm. As a new volunteer on the farm (I got here four days ago) I'm learning the ropes to the twice daily animal feedings, the temperaments of all the livestock, what food I am allowed and not allowed to eat and/or give to the animals, and the ins and outs of Heifer International as an organization. We'll be laying low for a few weeks at least, while it's still cold and while there are no guests to accomodate. However starting in March the groups will begin showing up and apparently things are busy until the next winter. As an Education Volunteer I will be doing what seems like half Peace Corps and half Maryland Images Tour Guides, both of which I LOVE. As groups and guests start to show up we'll be giving them farm tours, Global Village tours, and sending them through all kinds of programs that we have. I'll be spending the next few weeks memorizing all the things I need to for the tours and programs and trying to stay warm.

I live in a house on the farm with five other volunteers and we have a big kitchen and living room, fireplace, huge basement, and state-of-the-art VCR player. The house itself may be a little dated but the stories behind it and people inside it are pretty awesome. The farm has about 20 volunteers in total and nine full-time employees. Volunteers come and go every six months or so and the legacies passed on from group to group seem much like Peace Corps. And speaking of which there is a good number of other RPCV's here as well, some volunteers and some employees. Hooray!

So I'm still alive and finally doing something with my life again, even if it isn't benefitting me financially in any way (again!). I guess at some point I'll have to get a real job so I can sustain myself for the rest of my life. Meh. I'll worry about that later.

I still miss Kenya like nobody's business and wish more than anything that I find a way to get back there. And I thank goodness everyday that I decided to join Peace Corps and that I ended up in Kilifi. Rutland is a decent substitute for now, however, even though the difference in weather is unfathomable. Another plus of living here is that I am only an hour away from my wonderful brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law in Providence. After two years of not seeing each other often, this is a real treat.

ALSO, as a tiny gift to myself after getting back in December I went out and bought something I didn't think I deserved at this time in life. Now, though, I've totally and completely fallen in love with her.  :)

Just my size right?

Ok everyone. To those of you who still read this silly thing: Thanks and you rock.

And as they say on the farm,
"Love and Llamas,"

~ Shub :)

PS. The name of the blog is going to remain the same, because even though I'm not in either of those places currently, they both have a big place in my heart.

Ok bye!

There are now 90 missing pieces ...

... that I didn't even realize were that much a part of me until they all said goodbye to me for real.  If this were an actual piece of paper there would be tear stains on it. Instead I'm just crying onto my keyboard, which even though I'll be getting a new computer fairly soon, is probably not the best thing.

In my last post I mentioned I would try my absolute best to tell all my kids how much I love I them. Well, try I did, and BOY was it hard. We had one last big hurrah of a movie night last weekend, of which I prefaced with my short schpiel about loving my kids. I stood on a chair in the front of the classroom, and after making sure ALL 90 were in the room and everyone was looking at me, I sign-stuttered my way into explaining how much they've meant to me in just two short years. I told them if it weren't for them I would have been long gone a while ago, and if it weren't for them I wouldn't have been even remotely as happy as I am when they're around. I told them I love them more than words or signs can say, that I'll miss them more than anything in the world, and finally I told them "thank you:" for reminding me that patience is essential for sanity, that happiness is not about having a lot of things, that personal vanity should always be thrown out the window, that curiosity should never, ever be stopped or stunted or held back, and most of all, thanked them for being themselves.

My kids - just them the way they are - is all I have ever needed here.

I am going to miss them so much. I already do.

After I finished saying what I needed to say, the kids themselves told me thank you as well, gave me all that love right back, and told me once again how much they're going to miss me. It took some effort to hold back the tears that I knew were on their way, but I managed to keep it together until I left the room at least. I turned the movie on and quickly made my way out of the room to the back steps of school where I could sit in peace and cry my eyes out until there was nothing left. Well the peace and quiet didn't last long. One of my Form 3's noticed I was a little hurried to leave the room and waited a few minutes before coming out to check on me. He thought something else was wrong, something other than my looming bout of depression once they all leave. In sign I told him "miss deaf alone, bas," meaning missing them was the only thing I was crying about at that point. Then, what I didn't realize until later, was that Emmanuel had gone back into the classroom, paused the movie, turned the lights on, made everyone look at him, and told them all that Sarah was sitting outside crying and she needed some comforting. That prompted two of my girls and another one of my boys to come out and cry with me. This lasted about an hour and a half, with different kids cycling in and out of the cry-fest.

All in all it was a pretty emotional night, and that's a definite understatement. My eyes were still pretty red and swollen when I woke up the next morning.

The emotions don't stop there, though!

Tuesday was a party day, of which I was mostly unaware, because they all tried to keep it a secret from me. I knew something was going on, but I didn't know any details or anything. Turns out all my teachers and all the staff (dorm father, cooks, shamba boy) had contributed some cash and they went out and bought pilau for the whole school! The kids were stuffing their faces and I couldn't have been happier watching them do it. Then after we all couldn't eat anymore, one of my teachers, Veronica, shuffled everyone -kids, teachers, staff, and even a board member- into the Form 4 classroom to have a little ceremony for me and for the Form 4's, who were also leaving school at the end of this year. Two of my teachers, the dorm father, the board member, and three of my kids all got up in front of everyone and said how thankful they were to have had Sarah for two whole years. They each listed lots of the different things I've done, or paid for, and all said a big 'thank you and God bless you.' Then they said it was my turn to talk. I had already had my night with just my kids, thank goodness, so, having nothing prepared, I just said thank you again, and told them one more time how much I love them. I thanked my teachers for sticking through it with me and for that whole wonderful little party. I knew if I started saying too much more I'd explode into tears again, so I tried to keep it short and sweet. Then they gave me presents! Not only had the teachers chipped in to buy a good lunch for everybody, they also chipped in to buy me a bracelet and a very pretty wrap from Mombasa. My kids also did a similar thing. They each contributed 10 shillings, which can buy a whole chapati, so could not have been easy for them to give up. 90 kids x 10 shillings a piece got to around 900/-. My head boy and head girl took that money and went into Kilifi that morning and bought me a necklace, a pair of earrings, and another wrap, in really bright Kenyan colors "so I wouldn't forget Kenya." How could I ever forget this place?

Anyway, I was humbled and touched beyond belief and once again felt like I didn't deserve this kind celebration and this kind of love. The day ended in a lot more hugs and a few more tears, and one final movie night before they all had to pack up and go home the next day. I know I'll be back next year and will see most of them again, but that didn't make it any easier to say goodbye. I don't know if I'll ever be able to accurately express how much I love them. I think it's safe to say I've tried though.

I'll finish up with one last picture. After the little thank you/goodbye ceremony we were all shuffled outside one more time to watch the acrobatics that the kids had prepared. When they had finished jumping around and cartwheeling and back handspring-ing we took one final whole-school photo, with Sarah's tiny little white head smushed in the middle of my 90 favorite people.

Goodbye kiddos. Love more than I can say. Thank you for everything and don't ever forget how wonderful you are!

Close Of Service

In the grand scheme of things, two years is really not that long of a time. When I'm old and grey these past two years will be a very small percentage of the total life I hope to live. But when what seems like every second of that time is either the hardest and most frustrating, or the happiest and most wonderful, two years can end up feeling like a lifetime.

Thanks to Peace Corps, I ended up on a free flight to Kenya, and two months later, thanks to a lot of general happenstance, ended up in Kilifi, which I know now is the one of the best little places in the world. Peace Corps Kenya, though I've stayed in constant contact with administration throughout, and continually worked with PCKenya on a number of different projects and initiatives, has become less and less about Peace Corps, and more and more about just living the wonderful life I have in Kilifi. That's not to say I don't recognize Peace Corps' importance in all this anyways - if it weren't for them, I would never have even imagined a place like this existed, or that I could love it so much.

I've spent two years making some of the closest friends I could ever ask for, and forming the most incredible relationships with my students. If it weren't for Peace Corps, I would never have met my kids, who, Kilifi deafness, PC, and novelty of living in Africa aside, are still the most fabulous bunch of people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. I have relied on them for two years to keep me happy and keep me going, and they've fulfilled that responsibility to no end. I've learned so much from them, so much that they'll never even realize they taught me. They've spent the last two years just being themselves and, what I know now is, that's all I've ever needed.

Life here can be SO unbelievably complicated sometimes, but the majority of the time, life is easy and simple and happy. As is known about Africa and the developing world, people here worry less about material things, and more about things that really seem important. Ground flour from maize in the shamba, milk from the goats and cows, hanging clothes out to dry, carrying water for your bath, and slaughtering your own chickens, all seem to me like things that are supposed to be done. There's so many other wonderful ways of life that I never imagined before coming to Kenya, and I've been lucky enough to be a part of this one on the coast. Not to say when I get back stateside I won't thoroughly enjoy my hot showers, cold milk and cereal, and luxury of a washing machine, but I know for a fact that I love living here. Life here is more just about everyone being together, enjoying each other's company, and when it comes to my group of Kilifi friends, making and eating a lot of really good food. With my kids it's just about each other's company, because the food could always be improved a little bit (however I've become extremely attached to ugali and mchicha).

That being said, my life in Kenya is not over. My life in the Peace Corps is coming to a close, but Kilifi has made too much of an impression for me not to return here. I will, without a doubt, be back here next August at the very latest, for a very important and exciting wedding, one of probably four that I'll be at next year. And whether or not that turns into staying here for even longer, or going back to the US for a job or school, is yet to be determined. What's nice to know is that I have the option to come back here. I guess we'll just have to see what happens and how I feel when I'm back. All I know right now is that I'm gonna miss Kilifi, my group of friends here, and my kids more than anything in the world. Hmpfh.

I've been on duty this week at school, which means, even though I do like going into town and meeting up with the gang, I get to be at school with my kids all week :) Last night was movie night, the second to last movie night I'll ever have with them, and I showed The Mask. Boy did they love it. They've been asking for Transformers 3 but I've told them I want to save it for last because they're gonna love it so much. Next weekend won't be easy.

I've been trying to find a way to properly explain to all my kids what they mean to me. I can tell my friends here fairly easily, because they get stuff like that. But my kids are a different story. I can sign to them right now just as fluently as I'm writing this post, but even in English it's hard to express how I feel about them, and how I feel about leaving them. There's also an aspect of emotional attachment that I think a lot of them don't really grasp, only because they've never had the opportunity to feel that way about anyone, or been exposed to someone else feeling that way about them, or just recognized either of those situations. It's not a bad thing; just different. Not to say they don't love, or can't, but maybe it's just a different kind of love, and they have different ways of expressing it .... hard to explain.

Either way, I'm gonna try my absolute best to tell them next weekend just how much they mean to me. And I'm going to try to do it without crying. Easier said than done.

This post is getting pretty wordy... Some quick updates on the following month to come, and then pics :)

The last movie night will be next weekend, which will be after a big ceremony thing at school to open the new girls' dorms, and immediately followed by a music night party thing in Kilifi. The week after that is the week that we close school :( and I think the kids should be going home around the 23rd. The 24th is our augmented Saturday Thanksgiving, since most everybody here is busy with work on Thursdays. I'll be making a HUGE turkey, sweet potato casserole, stuffing, salad, and those will hopefully (considering the number of people I've got coming to this) be accompanied by a lot of other good dishes. That next Sunday the 25th I've gotta get my butt up to Machakos for the start of Model School for the new group, that really scary week towards the end of training when you practice teaching for the first time. I'll help with that for the week in Machakos, then need to head to Nairobi to actually close my service. We have to take one final language exam, close our bank accounts and other administrative stuff, and then I'll need at least half a day to say goodbye to everyone in the office. After COS I'll be heading back to the coast on the 6th of December, and that weekend is supposedly some sort of goodbye thing for me, though we're all sort of in denial about it. The week after that will be my last in Kenya for a few months so I will need to spend some time just being around and seeing everyone. I also want to head down south coast for a day or two and visit some friends there. Then on the 15th I fly home. Mombasa to Nairobi. Nairobi to Amsterdam. Amsterdam to Detroit. Detroit to Grand Rapids. We should be in GR for only a few days before we drive down to MD. Hopefully be there before the 20th.

Also, after a LOT of thought and one very unhappy afternoon, I've decided not to take my kitties with me, THIS TIME. I'm leaving them here with the new volunteer moving into my house until January, when they'll go to another friends' house until I get back to Kilifi next August. At that point I will either take them back to the US then, or will have decided to come back Kilifi for longer than just a visit. We'll see. Whatever ends up happening, it's not going to be easy leaving them.

Whew.

Ok. Picture time.

Gona and Osman :)

Drinking my morning bathwater...

Evason tried to climb up onto the water tower without a ladder, but didn't quite make it.

Kelvin took this. At members for the afternoon.

They draped me in the Kenyan flag while I was on the computer..

I LOVE this shirt Chaka has on :)

And the ever-beautiful walk home at sunset. 

Aright dudes. I'm out. Again, I'll be back in the States on the 16th of December, and will be in Maryland a few days after that. Happy November and lots of love and hugs from Kilifi!

~ Shub :)